Adult clergy sexual abuse (ACSA) involves the exploitation of trust and authority by religious leaders (pastors, priests, etc.) to manipulate or coerce individuals into emotional and/or physical relationships.
Perhaps, you are just known as “the other woman” or the “affair partner” of the pastor. However, many people (including victims) do not recognize the power implicit in an inappropriate relationship between a pastor and a congregation member.
It is that power differential that makes the difference between seeing this as “just an affair” versus adult clergy sexual abuse. It does not matter if the victim was consenting or even enjoyed the relationship: the attention, the connection, or the sexual activity. The misuse of power makes this an act of abuse on the part of the spiritual leader.
These violations often leave survivors feeling betrayed, guilty, extremely isolated, and unsure of where to turn.
Survivors often face:
Struggling with vulnerability, or having a hard time trusting any spiritual leaders or even God
Facing overwhelming guilt or shame that you betrayed your own values, perhaps your own spouse or family, or even the church you were a part of
Guilt, shame, anger, numbness, or grief
If married, it is challenging to navigate that shift from betrayer to abuse victim/survivor with your spouse..
Questioning or rejecting spiritual beliefs altogether
Our therapists are experienced in helping survivors of clergy sexual abuse navigate recovery and reclaim their lives. We take a multi-faceted team-based approach, ideally working with three therapists:
working one on one to heal from the impact of Adult Clergy Sexual Abuse by unpacking the misuse of power, the processing and making sense of the complex feelings during and after the abuse, and helping you understand how to thoughtfully answer the questions your spouse has
the betrayed spouse of the abuse survivor needs their own space to unpack the feelings of betrayal that are inevitable, grapple with how to make sense of their partner being victimized by a trusted spiritual leader, and know how to support them while managing their own big feelings.
a third counselor who can help repair the damage done to the marriage by the clergy member’s sexual abuse
Our therapists bring compassion, expertise, and care to support survivors of clergy sexual
abuse. We have a number of therapists on our team who specialize in the variety of issues
created by ACSA:
Works with
Areas of Interest
Gender
Overwhelmed by the options? Schedule a Free Consultation and we’ll help you choose the right team member
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Verlynda Simonyi-Gindele is a compassionate therapist and co-founder of Therapevo Counseling. She specializes in adolescents, young adults, couples, and trauma recovery. With a Master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy, Verlynda integrates Emotionally Focused Therapy, Motivational…
Lilien Kovács-Hélisz is a compassionate Registered Clinical Counsellor specializing in trauma therapy, couples counseling, and addiction recovery. With a Master’s in Psychology and certifications in EMDR, Schema Therapy, and Family Therapy, she integrates multiple therapeutic…
Ricky Aguilar is a compassionate therapist specializing in family and couples counseling, pornography addiction, and trauma recovery. With a B.S. in Counselling Psychology and an M.A. in Marriage and Family Therapy, Ricky uses systemic approaches…
Korey Reimer brings to his work as a therapist over 15 years of experience in ministry, offering a compassionate, empathetic approach to therapy. He specializes in helping individuals, couples, and adolescents navigate anxiety, betrayal trauma,…
Shemiya Ruud specializes in couples, family counseling, and trauma recovery. Drawing from Emotionally Focused Therapy, Narrative Therapy, and attachment-based interventions, Shemiya creates a warm, client-centered approach to help individuals and families reach their goals. She…
Bailey Tonn is an intern therapist completing his Master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy. Specializing in couples counseling, premarital counseling, affair recovery, and grief support, Bailey uses Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) to help individuals and couples…
Christal Wilson is a compassionate therapist specializing in relationship enhancement, trauma recovery, and life transitions. With a Master of Divinity in Clinical Counseling, she uses Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Emotion-Focused Therapy, and trauma-informed approaches to support…
Jesse Schellenberg is a dedicated therapist specializing in couples therapy, marriage counseling, and relationship issues. Holding a Master of Arts in Marriage and Family Therapy, as well as degrees in Christian Studies and Theology, Jesse…
Mari Lee Ayers specializes in building healthier relationships, co-dependency, 12-step recovery, trauma, and grief. Mari Lee takes an eclectic approach, incorporating Attachment Theory, Neuroscience, Emotion-Focused Therapy, and Internal Family Systems. She believes in a holistic,…
Jessica Myles is an intern therapist completing her Master of Arts in Couples and Family Therapy. Bringing ten years of experience in the helping field to her work as a therapist, Jessica specializes in couples…
Ron de Jager brings to the therapy room his background in music and teaching. His holistic, client-centered approach focuses on building a strong therapeutic alliance, helping clients address challenges such as anxiety, depression, trauma, grief,…
Jeremiah Palmer is an empathic therapist specializing in family relationships, couples counseling, pornography addiction, and mental health. With a Master of Arts in Marriage and Family Therapy, he uses a client-centered approach, drawing from Narrative…
Jennifer is a compassionate therapist specializing in trauma, addiction, relationship counseling, and spiritual formation. With a Master of Arts in Counseling and extensive training in Somatic Experiencing (SE), she offers a holistic, client-centered approach that…
Mike Takkinen is an experienced therapist specializing in relationship counseling, addiction recovery, and mental health issues. With a background in both clinical and theological studies, he integrates his personal values of authenticity, transparency, and collaboration…
Sharon Snooks is an experienced therapist specializing in trauma, grief, loss, and mental health challenges. With over 30 years in social services, Sharon has a deep understanding of how trauma impacts individuals and families. She…
Caleb Simonyi-Gindele is the co-founder and Clinical Director at Therapevo, specializing in infidelity recovery, trauma, and addiction therapy. With a Master’s in Marriage & Family Therapy and certifications in Sex Addiction Therapy, Caleb uses a…
Dianne specializes in addiction, trauma, and relationship challenges. With a Master of Counselling and certifications in addiction counseling, she helps individuals and couples navigate issues like sex and porn addiction, infidelity, and grief. Dianne’s solution-focused…
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A safe space for your healing journey
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Therapists with years of experience in clergy sexual abuse recovery
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Online sessions tailored to your comfort and privacy
You deserve healing, respect, and the freedom to move forward.
Is it Sexual Abuse, or an Affair?
It depends on a difference in power. If a married pastor meets a woman somewhere he does not have authority (e.g., a coffee shop), and builds a relationship with her without previously establishing a pastoral relationship with her: that is probably an affair. However, if a pastor (single or married) cultivates a relationship that includes sexual behavior, the power differential implicit (using a position of trust, spiritual authority, etc.) in that relationship means that we are now looking at adult clergy sexual abuse. It does not matter if you felt that you wanted the connection or that you appeared to consent to the sexual activity.We understand that some situations can be more complex, but we’re here to help you unpack exactly what happened and make sense of it all in an environment that is safe and non-judgmental.
Is it my fault? The church is blaming me!
Again, abuse is defined by the power differential. If someone in a position of authority (pastoral role) has sexual activity with a congregant, the person in the pastoral role is responsible for that behaviour. Often people get blamed for speaking out truth, as if they should be silent and protect their abuser. But speaking out is not wrong – the wrong occurred when the behaviour took place, and the truth should be spoken out loud.
How did this happen to me?
This is a question that often arises when someone has been hurt by someone in a position of trust and authority, but no one deserves to be abused, regardless of circumstances.
Clergy members are often seen as authority figures, trusted to guide and protect, so it makes sense that you trusted this person. The responsibility for the abuse lies with the person who chose to exploit that power, not you. Abuse is an action taken by the perpetrator, not something that happens because of who you are or any actions you took.
Take the first step toward recovery in a confidential, supportive environment. We’re here to guide you every step of the way.
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